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Where have all the good guys gone?

As a divorced mother I don't get the opportunity to prance around bars and social gatherings meeting the talent of the day. My only resort, in finding other individuals looking for love, was to use online dating platforms. I tried, I really tried to get a decent male, human, individual with a bit of character that I can have a laugh with and go on adventures to foreign countries. I was gravely disappointed and managed to summarise the talent as follows:

The first category is guys placing scenery photos. What is the purpose of showing a sunset and the bushveld? What kind of message are you trying to get across? That you don't have any pics of yourself and don't know how to take a selfie or that you are hoping that a conservationist would get wet and swipe right?

The second category of guys love super close up pics. If you have never taken a selfie please don't attempt now as it is too late for you that ship has sailed. If you don't know how to use technology please don’t be on an online dating app. No one wants to see half a nipple and a face up close with scars and wrinkles for days.

The third category are the ones that think that witty sex or inspirational quotes would woo any woman straight into your arms. If they didn't work in person why would they work as “pick up lines” virtually?

The fourth category are those muscle bots that prowl around without a shirt on EVERY PIC.

We get it, you like to sweat in the gym with a bunch of other guys. Your clever mirror shot with your crotch covered is so original that I have to take my hat off to you. You really know how to think outside the box.

The fifth category that really turns me on is the one where the guy's fashion sense died with his personality in the eighties. If you want to match with the woman of your dreams, dress the part. Put away those sunglasses with the mirror lens and don’t dust off the checkered shirt and bowtie you borrowed from Johann Stemmet. Get some dress sense and take some decent profile pics and if you don’t have anybody to help you call your mom, I am sure she would like you to move out the basement and find a decent girl.

Last but not least the sixth category: the artistic impression of your face. If you don’t have the face to be on an online dating app where a photo sells a bit of your character then don’t be on one. A stylised rendition of what you look like can only go so far, remember you might want to meet the lady of your dreams in person. It would be terribly embarrassing when your rendered version makes you unrecognizable for your first date.

I know I am judging hard but these are observations and conclusions I have made whilst browsing. I am starting to think that a life alone, growing old with my kids sounds way more realistic than finding someone online. Good luck to all ladies out there. I feel your pain.

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